DIARY- the goods.

listen, when you’re feeling attacked and don’t know how to control the situations that you get yourself into, don’t be bitching at me like i did something wrong. accept responsibility, accept the fact that you’re acting like a lil bitch. straighten up your tie, learn to stand on your own, get the fuck out.

I’m chuckin’ my deuces up to him.

everything’s changed. everyone is out of place and scattered, and running freely on their own. everyone is off in their land, secluding themselves from each other. and there i am, like a chicken without a head, running, hoping to catch each secluded person and bring us all together again. against their will, i gotta catch ‘em all. against my will, they run from me. so close to my grasp, yet far enough for failure. all i strive for is to put us all in one place and still. all i yearn for is for us to be a whole. they are individuals, running carelessly in separate directions, from me. i am an individual, running like a chicken without a head, to them, for me.

If you’re looking for a sign.. this is it.

I think about last summer, look around and see everything that reminds me of that summer. I get a rush of flashbacks in great, contoured detail and it reminds me of how amazing that summer was and how this summer and every other left to come will never measure up. Things were good. Somewhere along the lines I guess I messed things up. Somewhere along the lines things became bad. I’ll never get that summer back and I’ll never get the forgotten, last memory of when things were good. If I could, I’d grab as many flashbacks as I could with both hands and store them on a shelf for rainy days or whenever I’m feeling down. For that one, shitty second, I’ll grab a memory and everything will be good. 

They try and be hard and act like they could care less. He told me he misses me. I don’t give a damn, all I want to do is be with him right now.

I thought I’d stay up all night, but i ended up falling asleep at 7ish.. soft, maybe today! and woke up at around 10 hmm.. today i don’t know what’s gwaaaaanin’ so Iguess I’ll just be playing it by ear. I want to hop on a plane, fly myself down to california, chill with all my soo loved and missed friends. It’s sucha bummer how I still talk to everyone and catch up but don’t get to see any of them, it’s been over a year. I think I’m supposed to be flying down there this summer but I don’t want to be staying with my dad, so maybe not.

GOODMORNING ladies and gents! so first sunday into my summer break and i’m already still wide awake at 4:15am. currently dreading early morning infomercials, anticipating the sunrise and texting. maybe today i’ll stay up all night, well i guess the nights over but for the rest of the morning, watch the sunrise, and sleep for days tomorrow. i’m so awake right now though, i really hope i don’t start having this summer insomnia shit again. aaaand.. look at all you beautiful new followers♥ thanks guys.

goin’ to the dentist! i don’t see why everyone hates it so much, i love going to the dentist (:

so last summer i generally went to sleep and woke up at the same times every day. sleep: 8-10am, awake: 4-7pm. this is how it went every day. sleep to people leaving for work and waking up to and empty house ‘cause everyone’s out with their friends or doing God knows what. it was alright i guess but it was really odd being awake when everyone’s asleep and vice-versa. i guess it all started with me wanting to stay awake to watch the sunrise and i was able to, so i did it.. every damn day. so this summer maybe i’ll just do that once or twice and have the rest of it all to catching some summer breeze. today is my last exam. last day to have to endure these teachers handing me tests. it’s the last day i have to wake up due to someone else’s schedule. today’s the last day of technically being in school. YEAAAHBABY! ..until september ;S

narcotics are a girls best friend.

everything’s changing. nothing’s equal to, nothing’s what used to be good, nothing’s fine. they do what they do and leave what they will. they leave a good thing. they leave me empty. when they’re through, they toss me aside to look for newer this and that. newer everything. they look for new everything, new fronds, new foes, new leaf, new lifestyle. too bad I see right through you. good luck with your next life.

school, study x1309, made resume, just realized it’s passed midnight. goodnight darlin’.

so for the last day of this year’s school year i decided to not go to school, but then i ended up going. only for third though cause i had to do a stupid presentation >:|. but it went pretty well then after i met my sister at the mall so we could hand out resumes, but i forgot mines so it was just my sister. i think we’re gonna hand mines out tomorrow after first exam. my goodness though, you have no idea how happy i am that it’s summer! i’m gonna miss seeing everyone and all but i guess we can always catch up during the break. fruity drinks, substance, feet up and soakin’ up some sun♥.

my love don’t cost a thing.

I wish some people weren’t busy today.

I wish I could kick it with some friends today.

I wish my mind couldn’t separate the fact from the fiction.

I wish I could let love to cancel out my addiction and he watches my discrete affliction

through a magnifying glass to the past, or maybe a telescope cause he’s so damn far.

but he leaves me be and it eases the pain with this nar.. cotic.

it numbs me out where the pain isn’t there no more

and my actions and my thoughts aren’t there no more.

but we can’t kick it cause they’re out with their families

and their voice in my ear, all kinds of judgement 

cause I’m sipping my abundance of substance.

until my nerves are deadened, so i look at me through the looking glass

and see, i’m only post-pubescent.

I shouldn’t have to be dealing with the things that i am

you should be the one helping me study for exams.

but it’s not that way

and i’ll keep using and abusing ‘till we set sail to a better day.

so for now on this concrete pillow’s where I lay.

let me depict to you this image I portray.

you left me to decay.

while I watch you drive away on out of our driveway.

you left me stray, I’m like a damaged LV on ebay.

but I’m always okay just wanted to say,

hope you have a nice Fathers Day.

pop a pill and lay back, enjoy the summer heat.

my mom’s been on ebay for 2 days straight, 24/7.. i don’t think she ended up getting anything.

missin’ your face and your touch, missin’ your kiss and your love.

missin’ every little bit and piece of you, baby would you meet me half way

cause i’m down for you.

i usually can’t sleep ‘till after midnight, sing me a lullaby.